SPOOFIA -- GUARANTEED TO FIX YOUR WAGON

After a great many years of engagement in other business activities, we’ve finally decided to enter the TV advertising field, having become duly inspired by the never-ending parade of commercial messages we see every day ad nauseam -- especially those extolling the health-enhancing qualities available from all those grand and glorious pharmaceutical products on the market. Accordingly, we plan to submit the following script to a suitable agency.

Fade in to a rugged-looking man in his late 40s or early 50s, standing outside and wearing conventional work clothes, as he utters his words of endorsement:
“I used to be a real wilting violet on the job I’m employed to carry out. Then one day,
my doctor recommended Spoofia. Ever since I started taking it on a regular basis,
I’ve been able to handle the heavy needs related to my work performance much
more effectively. In fact, so much of the energy I’d lost has returned to a point
where I can now hold my own with all my colleagues.”

Fadeout to a new scene of an elderly lady moving about in her living room and attending to odd chores as she speaks:
“Before taking Spoofia, I never felt like doing anything but sit around the house.
That has all changed, now that I’m using it every day. I’m always eager to get out
and do my shopping, tend to my gardening, and keep my home in shipshape order –
and I never stop feeling great around the clock. I heartily recommend Spoofia for
everybody.”

Fadeout, followed by several sequential shots of the man at work and the lady attending to various shopping, gardening, or household chores, as the background announcer carries on:
“You’ll make no mistake with Spoofia, a thoroughly-tested pharmaceutical product
recommended by leading doctors from coast to coast. Your buildup to restored
healthfulness and energetic vitality will be a certainty once you begin the requisite
daily dosage.”
(Speaking a bit more rapidly, and in a milder tone)
“Side effects from using Spoofia might include post-nasal drip, occasional vomiting
without advance warning, hiccoughs, and poison ivy. If your teeth begin to fall out
one-by-one, stop taking Spoofia and see your doctor.”

At approximate midpoint in the above background announcer’s spiel, the following text to appear at the bottom of the screen, then disappear after only a second:
Spoofia may be health-hazardous or even fatal if you had measles as a child, or
have ever smoked cigars.

Closing remarks by the background announcer, still at a fairly rapid pace and quite softly in tone:
“If after taking Spoofia, you begin having dreams that you are King Kong, and wake
up with an urge to climb the Empire State Building, check with your doctor right
away.
(Now in a much louder voice)
“Don’t wait to call the 800 number on your screen. If you phone RIGHT NOW, you’ll
be eligible for our limited offer to receive the opening one week’s supply for only
$19.95 (more rapidly and low tone once again) plusshippingandhandling. (Back to a
slower rate and louder tone) And remember, Spoofia is bound to fix your wagon –
but good!!!”

Fadeout