THOUGHTS ON SHORT-TERM CONFINEMENT -- A RATHER INAPPROPRIATE PERSONAL ANALOGY

The scenario we're about to create is purely speculative in nature, for reasons which will readily become obvious. Nevertheless, we're unable to resist dwelling on a little relatively senseless conjecture.

Should this writer be offered the option of spending a month flat on his back in a hospital bed or else in a prison cell, quite frankly a coin flip would be required. Furthermore, if the clink sojourn turned out to be the loser, insistence would likely be placed on at least a two-out-of-three toss basis.

As already stated, this is no more than a hypothetical issue. It's clear that a hospital stay becomes necessary only for health treatment purposes, while going to the pokey stems from breaking the law. The underlying reasons aren't even remotely comparable.

Still, that's not the point we're endeavoring to establish. We're simply saying that a short prison sentence appears preferable in certain respects to sick room confinement.

The immediately foregoing statement isn't based on mere theory. This writer has had his fair share of days reclining in a hospital room. On the other hand, he cannot attest to having spent a month in a civilian hoosegow. A longer stretch as a prisoner of war a few international skirmishes ago must be excluded from comparison, due to many entirely different underlying circumstances.

Now let's move straight to the meat of the situation, namely our personal reasons for giving preference to a supposed jail term over a hospital stay.

First of all, in prison one is allowed to move about within a cell, albeit somewhat cramped spacewise, supplemented by daily strolls outside.

Moreover, nobody comes in every hour or so to glare at you while jabbing needles into your arm, stuffing you with pills, checking your blood pressure and other vital signs, or whatever else is needed to further your recovery. We deem freedom of mobility to be more important than being tied down to a bed and probed in the extreme. Besides, visitors can come see you in either situation.

There is one major offsetting element, of course, in that the people tending to you at the hospital are bound to be far kinder and gentler than the unsavory criminal characters who share slammer quarters with you. Perhaps we're putting insufficient emphasis on this matter. We'd have to be tossed into a cell for about 30 days before arriving at a more fully-studied conclusion.

Before closing this somewhat inane piece, we must acknowledge that neither the patient nor the inmate really amounts to any more than a mere number -- a statistic in recorded medical or correctional history -- even though allowed to retain his or her name for mere identification purposes while on-scene, and becoming almost totally forgotten thereafter.