WHY THIS WRITER COULD NEVER BE ELECTED AS U.S. PRESIDENT

It's not that we're actually entertaining the thought of even wanting to hold the U.S. presidential position -- or any other political one whatsoever -- but this piece is simply devoted to the changes we'd strongly propose if ever so elected.  As the reader will quickly note from the following list of our campaign issues, they would accomplish little more than cause this fellow to be blackballed from consideration as being labeled a radical, a  socialist, an anti-semitist, an unpatriotic villain, and a downright traitor, to suggest just a few epithetical titles.


Nevertheless, we intend to go ahead with what we deem to be essential to the ultimate survival of this supposedly great nation throughout the not-too-distant future. So, without further ado, here are the changes considered vital to ongoing success, presented by category:


1.  CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENTS
     A.  Legislative Branch
           1.  A single parliamentary body only, presided over by a duly   
                elected Speaker, with the majority party in control.
           2.  The similarly elected Prime Minister required to be present at 
                 each parliamentary session.
     B.  Executive Branch
           -- Essentially an administrative body, carrying out the laws, 
               regulations, and policies established by Parliament.
     C.  Judicial Branch
           -- The same 9-member body as at present, but with each Justice 
               subject to periodic popular re-election.
     D.  Election Process
           -- Replacing the electoral college completely, to be replaced by
               straight popular vote.
II . LEGISLATIVE REQUIREMENTS
      A.  Income Tax
            -- Drastic revamping and simplification, eliminating virtually all
                existing loopholes. 
      B.  Political
            1. Compulsory voting by all citizens age 18 or over, subject to a
                heavy fine for non-compliance. 
            2. Lobbying to be completely outlawed, under threat of prison
                sentence.
      C.  Health
            1.  National health care for all citizens and legal immigrants,
                 covering everything except:
                 a) Abortion
                 b) Cosmetic surgery
                 c) Dental work for beautification purposes only
            2.  Heavy taxes on the following products:
                  a) Alcohol and tobacco
                  b) Soft carbonated drinks
                  c) Candy and chewing gum
                  d) High glucose, sodium, and cholesterol foods
            3.  High import tariff on coffee, tea, and cocoa beans.
            4.  Posting of public signs virtually everywhere, stating simply that
                 "cigarettes kill".
            5.  Government takeover of full control over narcotics under the
                 following conditions:
                 a) Resale to registered users at nominal prices.
                 b) Compulsory use cessation for registered users, covered by
                      national health.  
      D.  Education
            1.  Free education to level sought for all duly qualified citizens and
                 legal immigrants.  
            2.  Spanish treated as official second language, and required to be
                 taught along with English from starting age. 
      E.  Welfare
            -- Ongoing state-sponsored job creation programs.
      F.  Crime Prevention
             -- Hand guns only for police, with unlawful possession -- including
                 in the home -- subject to imprisonment.
      G.  Criminal Punishment
             -- Elimination of death penalty, except for conviction due to
                 corruption.
      H.  Immigration
            -- Available to all who can prove capability of earning a normal
                living.
       J.  Marriage
            1.  License subject to renewal by written consent of both parties at
                 consecutive 5-year anniversary dates.
            2.  Automatic divorce if no renewal executed on time.


By way of conclusion, the reader is invited to think about what we solemnly view as highly-needed social improvements illustrated above.  Granted, they'd never get this fellow elected, but we're confident of their value in seeking solutions to countless hitherto insurmountable impracticalities, injustices, inequities, inconsistencies, and unnecessary dangers to health.