A FEW THOUGHTS ON POUNDAGE AND ROTUNDITY

Not long ago, one of our blog entries suggested that it might be an excellent idea if obesity were considered a misdemeanor, punishable by fine or imprisonment. We have to admit that’s stretching the issue a bit far. Nevertheless, what more revolting sight is there than a woman out in public carrying enough bulk to qualify her as a potential defensive tackle for the Green Bay Packers?

In fact, “her” isn’t the correct pronoun. Based on observations whenever we go out seemingly anywhere, it’s a case of “them” instead. Lardbutt types keep showing up in droves these days.

Still, we mustn’t just point the finger at overly fleshed-out females. A man sporting a prominent lower gut is almost equally regurgitating to view. We honestly fail to understand how an obese member of either sex can stand before a mirror without feeling utterly disgusted at the image.

Speaking of sex, now that we’ve used it in context, that leads to another element. Becoming so aroused is clearly a natural inclination, especially upon seeing a slim, trim lass, or else a gentleman whose build somewhat resembles that of a Greek god. On the other hand, we’d believe it extremely difficult for one’s libido to register any charge at all over an opposite gender’s figure which amounts to a mass of sheer fat, clothed or otherwise. Maybe our present-day prevalence of extra-marital activity has been furthered to a certain extent for this reason.

On the numerous occasions when we are so unfortunate as to spot a gentleman with an obvious ultra-protuberance in the abdominal area, our standard private comment is “I hope it’s a boy”. Maybe we’d accomplish something by walking up to the fellow and thus advising him, but that could be deemed too much of a direct insult, albeit deserved.

During our schooldays long ago, a certain male classmate is recalled as having stated almost passionately that he could never resist peanut butter. Upon recently seeing an up-to-date photo of the fellow, hence at a much more advanced age, we realized in an instant that his uncontrollable taste for such edible commodity had obviously never abated, as determinable by how his lower t-shirt area bulged outward.

Having let it all hang out, so to speak, we now feel obliged to recommend what punitive steps might be desirable regarding that abundant array of folk who are so thoroughly frightful to observe, and for which the fault rests almost exclusively with themselves.

We would strongly urge, at the very least, that such overly-padded members of either sex be required to remain at home and inside for, let’s say, 144 hours each week, with exit permission only during the other 24. In addition, we’d love to see legislation subjecting them to fines of up to perhaps $2,000 for ever appearing at public beaches or pools in swimming attire.